Get Smart
Come out from your cone of silence, put on your shoe phone, and head on down to the movies, because the classic TV show "Get Smart" is now on the big screen. Steve Carell plays CONTROL agent Maxwell Smart, who goes on an undercover mission to prevent the evil KAOS organization from launching another bid for worldwide domination. Helping him out is the lovely Agent 99, played by Anne Hathaway. And when she's not busy fighting KAOS, I can only assume that she's taking on Italian businessmen who create fraudulent charities and pretend to be associated with the Vatican to perpetrate real estate schemes. The mission takes them from Washington, D.C. to Moscow, to Los Angeles, but I think they should have gone to Kansas City and messed up a football game, because then the bumbling Smart could have said, "Sorry about that, Chiefs." "Get Smart" is one of the most enjoyable movies I've seen all year, thanks to the absolutely perfect casting of Steve Carell, who is a worthy successor to the original Smart, Don Adams. Carell is hilarious, providing one big laugh after another and sharing a solid chemistry with Anne Hathaway. It's not shock that the film works as a comedy, but what is surprising is that it kind of works as an action picture too. Even if you've never seen the show on which it's based, "Get Smart" is a fantastic mixture of comedy and action that will entertain you silly. (3 1/2 stars)

The Love Guru
In "The Love Guru," Mike Myers portrays Pitka, a spiritual healer and author of many self-help books. He is hired by Jessica Alba, who plays the owner of a professional hockey team. (What team is that - the Toronto Hot Chicks?) Her star player has been in a slump ever since his wife left him for a goalie (Justin Timberlake), and she wants Pitka to help him get his mojo back so that he can get the puck outta here. In the "Wayne's World" and "Austin Powers" movies, Mike Myers proved that he is a brilliant comedian. However, "The Love Guru" proves that he's just as fallible as anyone else. In addition to repeating jokes, the movie has the most inane and ceaseless assemblage of jokes about the male organ ever committed to celluloid. Seriously, this 90-minute movie has at least 100 such jokes. Don't get me wrong - I love lowbrow humor as much as the next guy, but did Myers write this script when he was eleven years old, or what? After a while, the gags become oppressive, especially since none of them are funny. Neither is Pitka, who remains an unimpressive character. It occurs to me that the last time Mike Myers appeared live on screen was in 2003's equally dismal The Cat in the Hat. If there is any consolation to be found in The Love Guru, it is this: after such a deplorable one-two punch, Myers will certainly hasten to work on a fourth Austin Powers film. Groovy, baby, yeah. (1 star)

The Incredible Hulk
When I was a kid, all the neighborhood children used to play kickball in the street. Whenever a car would come and interrupt the game, we'd all yell "do-over!." Well "The Incredible Hulk" is kind of a do-over too. After the first Hulk outing proved to be a commercial disappointment, the studio decided to make a more fan-friendly version. Edward Norton takes over the role of scientist Bruce Banner, who was zapped by too many gamma rays and now turns muscular and green whenever he gets angry. And when I say "green," I don't mean he's eco-friendly, I mean he's the color green! While trying to solve his metamorphosis problem, the Hulk has to take on a special ops agent, played by Tim Roth, who has been brought in to hunt him down. However, the guy absorbs some gamma rays of his own and turns into the creature known as Abomination. I actually kind of liked the first "Hulk" picture, but I'll admit that this one is more in line with other comic book movies. There's a lot more action and excitement, and fewer scenes of Bruce Banner dealing with his daddy issues. Best of all, there's still a coherent human story in the middle of all the Hulk smashing, bashing, and crashing. "The Incredible Hulk" doesn't quite reach the level of "Iron Man" or the Spider-Man flicks, but it's a fun superhero movie that definitely delivers the goods we want it to. (3 stars)

The Happening
"The Happening" is the first R-rated movie ever from writer/director M. Night Shyamalan. Why is this important? Because the guy wants to do everything possible to set this film apart from his last two, "The Village" and "Lady in the Water," which were complete duds! In this darker story, Mark Wahlberg plays a Philly school teacher who flees with his wife (Zooey Deschanel) and best friend's daughter when a mysterious plague starts sweeping the Northeast. The plague seems to be carried on the wind, and it causes its victims to become disoriented and suicidal. (The same thing happens if you watch too many consecutive episodes of "The Hills.") Wahlberg and company try to outrun the plague by heading to the remote countryside, but it appears as though disaster is imminent. "The Happening" is destined to be one of the most divisive movies of the year. The premise is so unusual that some people will really like it, while others will absolutely abhor it with a passion. Fights could possibly break out in theater lobbies! I fall into the category of people who like it. While by no means perfect, this is an ambitious story that's about more than just trying to creep you out. "The Happening" is ultimately about what people do for their loved ones in a time of unavoidable crisis. The performances are good and Shyamalan delivers a number of scenes that send a chill down your spine. Yes, at times "The Happening" is a little silly, but if you are open to what it's trying to say, then this is a movie you can really get into. (3 stars)

Kung Fu Panda
In "Kung Fu Panda," Jack Black provides the voice of Po the Panda, who works at his father's noodle bar but dreams of becoming a martial arts master. And how exactly does a panda learn martial arts? Ancient Chinese secret! Po gets his wish when he's inexplicably prophesied to be the warrior who will defeat a ruthless snow leopard that is threatening the otherwise peaceful village. He gets some training from a local sensei (played by Dustin Hoffman) and he also joins a team of king fu animal defenders. Angelina Jolie is a tiger, Lucy Liu is a snake, Jackie Chan is a monkey, David Cross is a crane, and Seth Rogen is a mantis. He may be a mantis, but he's a Superbad mantis! "Kung Fu Panda"works on several different levels. It works as a kids' movie because it has a strong message about finding your own special skills to succeed in life. It works as a comedy because the plot and voice acting are very funny. And it works as a martial arts movie because the fighting scenes are surprisingly exciting given that they're animated. The film also has a lot of fun spoofing the whole genre of martial arts pictures. But thankfully, the voices still move in sync with the characters' lips. Factor all these things in and then add some spectacular visuals and you end up with a top-tier animated movie. (4 stars)

You Don't Mess With the Zohan
In "You Don't Mess With the Zohan," Adam Sandler plays an Israeli counter-terrorist who gives up the lifestyle so he can move to New York City and become a professional hairdresser. I have just one question: Who thinks this stuff up? Sandler gets a job at a small beauty salon where he cuts the hair of elderly female clients and then, as a bonus, sexually pleasures them in the back room. Again: Who thinks this stuff up? When his longtime Palestinian nemesis (John Turturro) finds out that Sandler is alive, well, and moussed up in the Big Apple, he plots to kill the happy hairdresser once and for all. I'll give Adam Sandler some credit. "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" is one of his more ambitious films, and he works hard to create a fully-realized character. It could have worked, except that the movie never figures out what it wants to be. Half of it is a typically silly, lowbrow Adam Sandler comedy; the other half is a high-minded political satire of the ongoing conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Both halves provide their share of laughs, but they go together about as successfully as…well, Israelis and Palestinians. People looking for a mindless comedy will be turned off by all the political stuff, while fans of edgy topical humor will be distracted by all the sex/bodily fluid jokes. Although I did laugh at times, I ultimately found the movie to be too disjointed to recommend. Hey, did I just mess with the Zohan? Indeed I did. (2 1/2 stars)

Sex and the City
"Sex and the City" is the movie version of the most popular HBO series that didn't feature an overweight mafia boss from New Jersey. Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristen Davis all reprise their roles, and they rally around Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie Bradshaw after she's left at the altar by long-time boyfriend Mr. Big. Sounds to me like Mr. Big needs to change his name to Mr. Big Stupid Jerk! Jennifer Hudson also stars as Carrie's new personal assistant, who helps her organize her now Big-free life. A lot more happens in the movie than I have time to explain here, but as you might be able to guess, most of it involves characters having sex, not having sex, or having sex and wishing they weren't. Hey, it ain't called "Holding Hands and the City," right? Just like on the show, there are lots of raunchy laughs, but what I like most about the film is its depiction of female friendship. The actresses create strong characters who share a genuine bond through thick and thin. If the humor works, it's only because we care about Carrie and her crew. My main complaint is that, at two-and-a-half hours, the film is way too long. I mean, it's literally five times the length of an episode of the show. Hardcore fans will take that as a plus, but newcomers or casual watchers like myself may suffer from "numb posterior" syndrome. That aside, "Sex and the City" is a smart, funny, well-acted movie that always plays like a labor of love and never like a cash-in. (3 stars)

The Strangers
In "The Strangers," Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman play a couple staying overnight at his parents' summer home after a friend's wedding. Their evening is shattered when three masked weirdos begin pounding on the door and trying to get inside. (Man, those Girl Scouts are getting really aggressive at cookie-selling time, aren't they?) Tyler and Speedman try to stay alive as it becomes apparent that their stalkers are out for blood. "The Strangers" had one of the most frightening coming attractions trailers I've ever seen. But while it's scary in that 2-minute format, the actual 85-minute movie is anything but. The characters do a lot of typically stupid horror movie things. For example, in one scene, Tyler hides from one of the psychos in the kitchen pantry. Good idea - no escape from a place like that! Also, while the early scenes have an admittedly admirable sense of dread building up, the finale turns suddenly and sickeningly cruel, for no good reason. The story claims that it wants to be about random acts of violence, yet it has nothing to say about the subject. The final shot of the film is also a complete cop-out guaranteed to make you want to hurl Jujubees at the screen. The two main actors give competent performances, and there are a few stray moments that create some mild suspense. However, the fact remains that "The Strangers" is not nearly as scary as it looks in the advertising. (2 stars)

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
"The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" is the second movie to be based on a beloved series of books by C.S. Lewis. And if Lewis were alive to see this adaptation of his work, I'm pretty sure he'd be looking for someone to slap silly. The story follows the Pensevie children, who return to the mystical land of Narnia to help the deposed Prince Caspian claim the throne that is rightfully his. But first, they have to find the talking lion Aslan (voiced by Liam Neeson) and then defeat Caspian's power-hungry uncle who wants the throne for himself. I wasn't the biggest fan of the first "Narnia," but I'll admit it had a sense of wonder as the children discovered a magical new world. However, in this sequel, their individual personalities are gone and they become generic action heroes, participating in endless battle scenes that play like a pint-sized version of "300" - minus the entertainment value. Those action scenes never generate any excitement because the director fails to bring any filmmaking style to them. Additionally, the movie has a dull villain, lots of really clunky dialogue, and some bad, bad acting. "Prince Caspian" was clearly designed to be an epic blockbuster, but in trying to be the Next Big Thing, they've sucked all the life out of this story. (1 star)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
I'm a hardcore Indiana Jones fan, and I've been waiting 19 years for another adventure from the cinema's greatest archaeologist. That being the case, it pains me to say that "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"...is only two hours long. I could have watched this awesome movie all day! Harrison Ford returns as Indy, and this time he's in search of - you guessed it - a magical crystal skull that may have ties to a lost city of gold, as well as the infamous Area 51 in Roswell, New Mexico. Helping him locate the skull is his new teenage sidekick, played by Shia LeBeouf. Indy has a new sidekick? Short Round is gonna be so ticked! Cate Blanchett also stars as a Russian paranormal expert who wants the skull to further a scary Communist agenda. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" has all the edge-of-your-seat, thrill-a-minute action that you'd expect in an Indy movie. There's an amazing jeep chase through the jungle, a journey through some death-defying catacombs, and a scene involving ants that will make your skin crawl. The film also has moments of great humor, including some hilarious references to the other three installments. Now, this is not a perfect movie. The plot is a little over-complicated at times, and the crystal skull is perhaps not quite as interesting as the Lost Ark of the Covenant or the Holy Grail. But on the whole, "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is a solid, thrill-packed, immensely entertaining chapter in one of the most enjoyable series in movie history. (3 1/2 stars)

What Happens in Vegas
In "What Happens in Vegas," Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher play strangers who meet in Sin City, get massively drunk, and spontaneously marry. What - no Siegfried and Roy show? Who goes to Vegas and doesn't make time to see Siegfried and Roy? Their plans for an annulment are complicated when he puts her quarter in a slot machine and wins $3 million. Both lay claim to the money, so a judge freezes it and forces them to try to make the marriage work for six months. You know, people who spontaneously wed in Vegas are lucky to last six days much less six months. If I had only one word to describe "What Happens in Vegas," that word would be "shrill." The comedy here is so broad and so over-the-top that it ultimately becomes more disturbing than funny. By the time Diaz and Kutcher were running through Central Park beating each other with loaves of bread, Iwas ready to cash in my chips. It doesn't help that the stars have the wrong kind of chemistry together. It's clear that Diaz and Kutcher really like each other and enjoyed working together, so I never bought them as bitter enemies. There are a few stray laughs along the way, and the actors are certainly energetic. But "What Happens in Vegas" got on my nerves with its bombastic humor and predictable conclusion. Like a real trip to Vegas, you go in full of hope and leave empty-handed. (2 stars)

Speed Racer
The Wachowski Brothers earned a significant level of coolness when they made "The Matrix" back in 1999, but they lost a lot of it with those two bloated, self-indulgent sequels. As far as I'm concerned, they earn a little bit of that coolness back with "Speed Racer," their adaptation of the popular cartoon series. Emile Hirsch plays the title character, a futuristic racecar driver. The only thing he loves more than racing is his family: pop John Goodman, mom Susan Sarandon, and girlfriend Christina Ricci. When Speed discovers that an evil corporation has been fixing races to maximize its own profits, he teams up with the enigmatic Racer X, played by Matthew Fox, to win the Grand Prix and bring the bad guys to their knees. "Speed Racer" is one of the most CGI-heavy movies I've ever seen. The special effects aren't just wall-to-wall; they're wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling. This over-reliance on visuals means that the film has a paper-thin plot and cardboard characters. Normally I'd criticize a movie for that, but in the case of "Speed Racer," it's all clearly an intentional part of the style. What I love is that they didn't even try to make this thing realistic. It really is like a cartoon come to life. The flick is endlessly amazing to look at, the racing scenes are seriously cool, and the actors figure out clever ways to play larger-than-life characters. "Speed Racer" is definitely aimed at kids, which may disappoint fans seeking a more hardcore experience. But I thought it was really fun and really different, and by the end I was cheering, "Go, Speed Racer, go!" (3 stars)

Iron Man
Ozzy Osbourne once said: "Heavy boots full of lead, fills his victims full of dread, running as fast as they can, iron man lives again." Of course, that was one of the few times in his life that you could actually understand what he was saying, but it's the perfect intro for the new movie "Iron Man." Robert Downey, Jr. plays Tony Stark, a billionaire industrialist whose company specializes in combat missiles. Stark is kidnapped by terrorists and forced to manufacture a weapon of mass destruction, which they plan to use against American troops. He escapes his captors by building a high-powered suit of armor and then goes after the bad guys in his new identity as Iron Man. (He also sues the Iron Chef for copyright infringement.) Helping him out are his personal assistant, played by Gwyneth Paltrow, and his military officer best friend, played by Terrence Howard. I've always felt that a superhero is only as good as his alter ego, and Robert Downey, Jr. was a brilliant choice to play the egotistical playboy-turned-costumed crime fighter. He makes us care about both Tony Stark and Iron Man. The movie's special effects and action scenes are first-rate. I also really liked the story, which has something smart to say about war profiteering. Most comic book movies are just escapist fun, but a select few are escapist fun with a little bit of substance. "Iron Man" falls into that category. The summer 2008 movie season has officially started off with a bang. (3 1/2 stars)

Baby Mama
"Baby Mama" stars Tina Fey as a career woman in her mid-30's whose biological clock is ticking louder than Big Ben. Because she's single and physically unable to have children, she resorts to hiring a surrogate, played by Amy Poehler. So basically, she pays someone else to experience hot flashes, hormone fluctuations, and morning sickness, while she keeps the baby. The surrogate is - how do I say this nicely? - a little rough around the edges, and when she moves in with Fey, the career woman suddenly discovers what it's like to be a parent. Let me start off by saying that I think Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are two of the funniest people on the planet. And because they worked together for so many years on "Saturday Night Live," they really understand each other's rhythms, which makes the comedy that much funnier. "Baby Mama" is very smart in the way it satirizes modern pregnancy issues, from fertility treatments to wellness routines to delivery options. There's also a great supporting performance from Steve Martin as Fey's hippy dippy boss. The plot of "Baby Mama" is kind of predictable, and you'll see where it's going long before it gets there. But otherwise, the comedy stork has delivered a real bundle of joy. (3 stars)